Depression

**for all of us who have been here at some point and learned from the experience.

If you ask me where I am right now
i’ll say somewhere between teardrops and a smile
it’s a sanctuary I run to at times
to empty myself,
collect half-sighs
untangle my emotions from its pretzel state—
detoxify.

Here,
cobwebs are magnified and admired,
its intricate pattern of silk, beautiful
compared to my own tattered web:
a maze of marred signals,
intertwined issues unresolved to this day,
with me hardly able to keep it together.

It’s a good place though,
lets you slowly sink to the bottom
thoughts free to bounce on down feather pillows,
drifting
floating in a womb of meaningless dreams
until you decide to get up,
snap out of it
and rejoin the world of the living.

I do not come here to command time,
I’ve frozen each day I care to replay
like a newsreel
because I want to, I still need to
wallow in oblivion,
dwell on my indecisions
savoring the bliss of temporary ignorance
because I choose to.

My feet have yet to touch solid ground.

A.S. Cruz
6.13.05